


Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right, But Three Do

by ArgentSleeper



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cheating, Internalized Homophobia, Leather Kink, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-03
Updated: 2014-07-03
Packaged: 2018-02-07 06:42:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1888818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArgentSleeper/pseuds/ArgentSleeper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's just an itch Arthur needs to scratch, then it can be over and he can get back to his normal life.</p><p>If only things were that simple.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right, But Three Do

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aeris444](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeris444/gifts).



> Alternate title: In Which an Asexual Attempts to Write Smut and You Should Really All Just Run Away Right Now
> 
>  
> 
> For this merlin_writer's [prompt](http://merlin-writers.livejournal.com/129528.html?thread=1575672#t1575672).

This was a bad idea. This was a very bad idea. This was mostly definitely the high emperor of bad ideas.

 

And yet that knowledge wasn’t stopping Arthur, hadn’t stopped him from going into that shop or buying these tight leather trousers that reminded him uncomfortably of David Bowie. Hadn’t stopped him from announcing that he was off to his weekly NA meeting. It certainly wasn’t stopping him from sitting at the bar of this gay club and practically leering at the lithe raven-haired boy on the dance floor.

 

He had time to stop it. The object of his stares hadn’t noticed him yet; he could still slip out and pretend this had never happened. But Arthur was not a quitter. He’d made a choice, now he was determined to see it through. And once it was over he could still pretend, if he wanted to.

 

Arthur was so focused on his internal debate he didn’t notice at first that his young man was glancing coyly back at him. When their eyes finally met, he simply raised an eyebrow at Arthur, licking his lips in clear lustful invitation. He really ought to turn it down.

 

As if pulled by an invisible thread Arthur made his way through the dancers to stand in front of the boy. He put his hands around Arthur’s neck and dragged him in close, setting up a slow and steady grind against his front. Of their own volition Arthur’s hands went to the boy’s hips, pulling him even closer, allowing a tortured moan to escape his lips at the sparks sent through him from the friction. They just danced like that for a few long minutes, or perhaps hours or seconds, Arthur wasn’t sure. It was hard to keep track of things like time when before he knew what was happening there were soft, slick lips on his, a hot, wet tongue invading his mouth and tangling with his.

 

But however long it was, it wasn’t too late. He could blame it on the drink and the music and the pure atmosphere.

 

Something hard hit his back and he realized he was somehow against a wall now, and there was a hand palming his cock which had become rock hard without his knowledge or consent. The force sucking on his tongue vanished and became a hot whisper in his ear, alternately nipping and kissing at his lobe between words. “I know a place. Back room. ‘Sgot a lock.”

 

Logic managed to force its way out of Arthur’s brain and through his mouth. “Not looking for anything serious.”

 

A low chuckle, and the hand on his cock slipped away to reveal an equally hard bulge pressing against him. “I can do that.”

 

The click of a lock told Arthur they were in that back room, and the boy had moved from attacking his ears to his neck. Arthur pulled back sharply. The boy smirked and pecked a kiss on his nose instead. “Merlin.”

 

“What?” Was that seriously his voice?

 

“Just want you to know what name to scream out.”

 

Then the boy –Merlin– dropped to his knees and began to peel down Arthur’s leather trousers. As his cock sprang out, swollen and red and harder than he thought was probably medically safe, he knew: this was the line. This was it, and if he was going to back out now was the last chance he had to do it and emerge at least semi-blameless.

 

But that voice was fading to dim memory as Merlin’s eyes gazed lustfully up at him.

 

“You have no idea what these have been doing to me all night. Shame they have to go. Maybe next time you should wear the leather up top.” Then he swallowed Arthur down.

 

Arthur bucked with the unexpected pleasure and Merlin’s hands went not to his hips to hold him back, but around to clench his arse, encouraging him to greedily fuck his mouth. Arthur let out a pathetically needy whine. “What makes –nnrgh- what makes you think- think there’ll be a next time?”

 

Merlin’s eyes sparkled and one of his hands left off its kneading to reach into Arthur’s pocket and extract his phone. A tiny spark of panic shot through him, but then Merlin swirled his tongue around his cock head particularly skilfully and the thought was lost as his climax grew closer. Without missing a beat, Merlin tapped away at the keypad. Then he angled the phone a bit and hummed around Arthur until his pleasure exploded out of him –Merlin’s name indeed on his lips like a breathy prayer– and went down Merlin’s throat as he swallowed, smiling. Merlin pulled off just enough so the last of it coated his lips and he placed a milky white kiss to the tip of Arthur’s cock.

 

Tucking his softened prick back into his trousers and his phone back in his pocket, Merlin stood and murmured hotly into Arthur’s mouth, “Oh, let’s just call it a hunch.”

 

He kissed Arthur again softly, the taste of Arthur’s come still on his tongue and his own bulge pressing against Arthur’s thigh. Arthur expected he would want reciprocation, either in a blowjob or a handjob or at least frotting against him until he came in his pants, but with one last peck to the nose Merlin was gone.

 

Hands trembling Arthur pulled out his phone and pulled up his contacts, finding the photo of Merlin smiling with Arthur’s come on his lips, Arthur’s dick pressed up against them. And just below that the reason Arthur’s heart was now sinking, a photo of him and Vivian and the identifier “ _My Girl_.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Vivian was already gone when Arthur woke up in the morning, a post-it on the fridge declaring “Out with Soph.” Or maybe that was last week’s note. He couldn’t remember if he’d taken it down or not. That reminded him, they were running low on post-its; he really needed to pick up some more.

 

And speaking of picking up…

 

Arthur buried his face into his hands as he remembered just what he’d done last night. He’d cheated. He could wrap the facts up in as pretty a bow as he wanted, tell himself whatever he liked, but they stayed the facts. He’d had the choice to walk away. He’d had the choice not to go in the first place. He had knowingly and wilfully cheated on his fiancée.

 

But it wasn’t going to happen again. It had just been an itch, a thing he needed to get out of his system. A one-time deal, that was all. Arthur would just go burn his leather trousers, delete Merlin from his phone, and never venture out to that club again. He should have done the deleting last night, before he even left the backroom.

 

Arthur went out to his car and retrieved his mobile from the glove box. It was their private joke between him and Vivian that even if Arthur remembered to take his phone with him everywhere he couldn’t seem to remember to bring it out of the car. Really Arthur had taken to purposefully leaving it there ever since he started dating Vivian, who was known to be more than a bit nosey when it came to other peoples’ property. It wasn’t that Arthur had ever had anything to hide, he just liked his privacy.

 

Well, nothing to hide until now.

 

Arthur pulled up his contacts and scrolled down to Merlin’s name. There was that picture again, erotic and wrong in all the right ways, and his cock twitched at the sight. Looking at it Arthur could remember the hot sparks of pleasure that had filled him from the moment Merlin started touching him, how empty he’d felt once Merlin was gone. He could remember the angry _want_ for more and more and again. But no, there would be no more, and never again.

 

His finger hovered over the delete button.

 

It was nothing serious. Arthur had made that clear, if nothing else. And Merlin had agreed, for all he had pushed the bounds of casual and skidded right past anonymous. It was still nothing serious. They had hooked up once. And Arthur hadn’t really done anything. Merlin had done all the work. No, Arthur hadn’t pushed him away, but that was just for the itch, the experience. It was over now.

 

They could still be friends, right?

 

Somehow Arthur slipped past the delete button and landed on a text message. His fingers skipped over the keys, forming words and thoughts and sentences. He stared at his creation.

 

To: Merlin  
From: Arthur  
 ~~Here, now you have my number.~~  
 ~~Will you be there again tonite~~  
 ~~U sure kno how to walk on ur knees~~  
how bout u let me help u out next time

Arthur smashed the delete button and closed out of the messaging system. Clearly he needed some time before trying the “just friends” proposal. Some time he’d spend with his fiancée. Planning their wedding. Scratching an itch always made it feel worse before it got better. Once this feeling was gone he would contact Merlin. And not a minute before.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Merlin was there again.

 

An unexplainable rush of relief filled Arthur at the sight of him once again on the dance floor. There was no reason he should have expected him to be there. It had been a full month since Arthur had come here –in every sense of the word –and not once had he given in to the urge to contact Merlin.

 

And oh, had there been the urge. Every time Arthur held his phone in his hand he found himself staring at that photo. He spotted his leather trousers in the bottom of his gym bag and remembered Merlin’s hands on his arse. It wasn’t until he had a flash of raven hair and sharp-edged cheekbones go through his head as Vivian moaned wantonly underneath him that he knew he had to do something.

 

Obviously this was one of those itches that simply needed a bit rougher work with the nails. Preferably Merlin’s, scraping down his back and breaking the skin as they tried to crawl inside each other with their need for closeness-

 

Or maybe just another quick blowjob. Yes, that would certainly suffice.

 

Merlin spotted him within a few minutes of Arthur sitting down at the bar. He extricated from his dance partner and sauntered up to the stool next to him, plopping down on it. “Well, if it isn’t the one-time wonder.”

 

Despite his sarcastic tone Merlin blatantly swept his eyes up and down his figure, taking in the skinny jeans that had replaced the leather trousers and the tight leather vest that had definitely not been picked out with Merlin’s words on his mind.

 

“I don’t live in the area. Not all of us can live around the corner from this place, you know.”

 

Merlin raised an eyebrow, blue eyes glittering. “That was the least subtle your place or mine I’ve ever heard.”

 

The words were out before Arthur could stop them. “Is that a yes?” No, there should be no places, his or Merlin’s. The backroom, that was fine. That was impersonal, casual.

 

Merlin pulled back, sparkle dimming a bit. “Who gave an invitation? I thought you wanted this to be casual. You know, one show only, no encores kinda thing?”

 

“And you were the one who said you were okay with that. What was this about then?” Arthur waved his phone in the air.

 

Merlin shrugged, a hint of a smirk on his lips. “You know. Pics or it didn’t happen.”

 

“It didn’t happen.”

 

“What?”

 

Arthur unlocked the phone and hit a few keys, then passed it to him, face impassive. “It didn’t happen. No pics, no proof. Never happened.”

 

Merlin’s brow furrowed in confusion and a good bit of anger. “So what? You just came here to mock how forgettable I am?”

 

“I don’t believe that’s what I said.”

 

“You’re an arse, did you know that?”

 

It was Arthur’s turn to smirk and shrug. “I’ve been made aware. Think about it, _Merlin_. What were your words again? One show, no encores? I don’t believe we’ve had our opening night yet.”

 

Merlin looked dumbfounded for a second, another retort on his lips, but then he stopped, blinked a few times, and his smile returned. “So last time, the time that didn’t happen, that was… practice?”

 

“A dress rehearsal, if you will.”

 

“Oh, well,” Merlin scootched a bit closer and fingered the hem of Arthur’s vest, “Actually, I might need a bit more practice before we get quite that far.”

 

Merlin’s flat wasn’t around the corner. It was around the corner and down the block. They barely made it inside before Merlin had Arthur once again pressed to the wall. Arthur kissed back just as voraciously, smoothing his hands under Merlin’s shirt across silky skin.

 

“This way,” Merlin ordered, dragging him forwards without relinquishing his hold on Arthur’s mouth.

 

They nearly tripped over the mess by the doorway and did trip over a towel in the living room, Merlin artfully twisting them in their fall so they landed in a heap on the couch, Arthur stretched out on top of him.

 

“Close enough.”

 

Arthur left off Merlin’s lips so he could mouth at his jaw, licking down his neck and nibbling at a collarbone. “It’s Arthur, by the way. Just so you know, too.” It seemed weird Merlin _didn’t_ know yet. How could Arthur have gone so long without this?

 

“Nah, I prefer Arse. You have a very nice one, after all.”

 

Merlin nudged him aside so he could peel his shirt off, then tugged at Arthur’s until he got the hint.

 

“Not this,” Merlin corrected. He ran his fingers down the leather vest. “Leave this one on.”

 

“How am I supposed to take my shirt off then?”

 

“Observe.” Merlin pulled the hem of the white undershirt over Arthur’s head, tucking it down his back under the vest and effectively trapping his arms behind him. “Much better.”

 

Merlin made quick work of Arthur’s skinny jeans, tossing them in the pile with Merlin’s own clothes and leaving them both with just their pants. Then he flipped them over so he straddled Arthur, smiling as he ducked his head to scrap his tongue against a nipple. Arthur jumped at the sensation.

 

“Shh, it’s alright. I don’t bite.” Merlin nipped at the skin then kissed it gently. “Much.”

 

Arthur squirmed underneath him, desperate for friction as Merlin ran his mouth over Arthur’s torso, sometimes dipping low across his belly, but never below the waistband of Arthur’s pants.

 

“I’m going to recast you,” Arthur growled finally.

 

“Just trying to make sure I know my lines.”

 

“You know them!” he panted back with a groan as Merlin shifted his weight against him. “Trust me, you’re good, you’re perfect.”

 

“Perfect, huh?”

 

Merlin shifted again, but this time it was to roll off. He stripped his pants and folded them carefully, placing them delicately on top of the pile. Then without a backwards glance he strutted naked into another room, leaving Arthur on the couch feeling bereft. Moments later he reappeared, though, tube of lube and condom packet in hand.

 

That voice was back in Arthur’s head screaming at him that he should stop this now, but he was getting good at ignoring it now.

 

Merlin straddled him again this time across his chest, so that there was no hope of gaining any friction now. “You just sit back while I do my warm-ups, okay?” Then he coated his fingers in lube and began to open himself.

 

Arthur groaned again as the sight made his cock throb. His arms ached from both the position and his need to move them around, to touch, to feel. But Merlin just smiled at his torment, his own breathing just as harsh as he filled himself with two fingers, three. Too soon or not soon enough Merlin was easing Arthur’s own pants down, removing them a leg at a time. He bent back over Arthur to kiss him again, a sloppy thing with no finesse. It didn’t matter because all Arthur’s attention was on the hand coating his condom-covered cock in a layer of cold lube.

 

When Merlin finally leaned back up, he gave another shit-eating grin. “Now, I believe it’s time for the finale. It seems the curtain’s already gone up.”

 

Arthur broke. “Stop making theatre puns and ride me already, you idiot!”

 

Merlin complied. They both gasped through the first moments of penetration, trading moans as Merlin rocked up and down, pinning Arthur’s hips to the couch with a force surprising for his lean form. Arthur finally managed to yank one of his arms free and snaked a hand behind Merlin’s neck, pulling him down and drawing him into another battle of lips and tongue. The changed angle caused Merlin to groan filthily into Arthur’s mouth, tightening convulsively around him. That did it for Arthur, and he felt blissful sparks shoot through his cock as he came, vision washing white for a few blessed moments. Merlin released his hips with one hand and worked himself until he too spilled over, painting Arthur’s chest. Then he collapsed on top of him, ignoring the sticky mess.

 

“So was that still practice or is our show over?” Merlin slipped off of his softening cock a settled down, nuzzling into Arthur’s neck sleepily.

 

Walk away. Walk away, walk away, _walk away._

 

Arthur wrapped his arms around the man. “Might need a few more rehearsals.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

For the first time since he was with someone, Arthur woke up with a body next to him. Or rather, over him, as Merlin had decided to rouse him with an impromptu blowjob. Then he dragged Arthur into the shower where only Merlin’s broken water heater stopped it from becoming another. But eventually Arthur had to leave.

 

He had to get back to his fiancée after all.

 

Vivian was going to kill him. Possibly literally. He was surprised his mobile hadn’t blown up with calls and texts demanding to know where he was. There was probably a missing person report on its way to the police and his father and sister had probably been notified about his disappearance. He shouldn’t have stayed the night, shouldn’t have allowed himself to fall asleep.

 

But he was done telling himself he shouldn’t have come. Even if it was still true.

 

Merlin let him go only after one last lingering kiss and extracting a promise that this time he wouldn’t fall off the map. Arthur agreed, because it was clear to him now that Merlin at least was one itch that wasn’t going to go away.

 

Things were oddly quiet as Arthur entered his flat. No ringing phones or questioning police men. Just Vivian curled up on Arthur’s recliner painting her nails. She looked up when he came in, but though her face was definitely angry, she didn’t appear particularly worried.

 

“You didn’t come home last night,” she said, as if it needed clarification.

 

“No, sorry. Had to stay over with the guy I’m sponsoring. He was having a bad night.” The excuse rolled off his tongue. It had happened before. Over a year ago, but it had happened. And there was no way Vivian could call him on it because the members were anonymous.

 

“You couldn’t have picked up a phone to let me know you were okay?”

 

Arthur hurried over and dropped down on his knees in front of her, running his palms up and down her thighs since he knew she would slap him if he messed up her nails by grabbing her hands. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I wasn’t thinking. I was so caught up in everything it slipped my mind. I swear, next time I’ll call you, I promise.”

 

Vivian sniffed in minor disbelief, but eventually nodded and allowed Arthur to kiss her.

 

“How about I take you out to breakfast? My treat, you pick the place. We’ll spend the day together.”

 

The anger faded and Vivian smiled. “I’d like that.”

 

They found a quiet French restaurant and ate crepes while Vivian told him all about the wedding things she’d been doing with Sophia. Arthur loved Vivian, he really did. True, he probably wouldn’t have proposed to her if it hadn’t been for the pregnancy scare –both Uther and Olaf had ordered that he “do the right thing,” and even after it turned out to be a false alarm wouldn’t hear of Arthur breaking it off –but he would have been content with being with her in their regular dating status. Sure, Vivian could be self-centred, but Arthur needed that to be reminded not to think just of himself, and Arthur could be a bit needy, but Vivian was always more than willing to cater to his cravings.

 

Which was why he thought she would be okay with what was happening now. Well, not _okay_ , but she would understand. She knew Arthur got like this sometimes, and she’d always tried to do what she could to get him past it. She’d been the one, after all, to invite Sophia over for the most awkward threesome of his life (not that he had anything to compare it to), awkward mostly because Sophia had a watersports kink he just couldn’t get behind.

 

She’d also been the one to drag him out of the pit he’d sunk himself into all those years ago when he thought it’d be a great idea to himself hooked to methamphetamine. Back then they’d just be friends, thrown together by virtue of their father’s mutual work, hating each other at first until they both –mostly- grew out of their more spoiled tendencies. But Vivian had sat there with him through the withdrawal and the time in rehab and had found him a Narcotics Anonymous group and checked in with him whenever his stress was high to keep him from falling back in his old ways. It had only been natural that a deeper bond had formed.

 

It wasn’t anything like the bond he had with Merlin, of course. He and Merlin didn’t even _have_ a bond. And Arthur hadn’t texted him a “ _See, not vanishing_ ,” while Vivian was in the bathroom.

 

He ought to tell Vivian what had happened. It was better to do it now, while not much time had passed. Especially now that it had been more than once, now that there was a part of Arthur that could admit he wanted it to be more than twice. She wouldn’t be thrilled, but they could work this out.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He didn’t tell her. He didn’t tell her at breakfast or that night or any of the nights afterwards. He thought about it. Really he did. It was just every time Merlin texted him the thought flew out the window.

 

He and Merlin were growing closer. Arthur had taken him out to dinner the next weekend, and spent the night once again in his little flat. He had dutifully called Vivian to let her know he was with his sponsee and not to worry, just as he’d promised. That night Merlin finally convinced Arthur to take some control –“I don’t see why I’m always the one who has to take the lead here”, goading him into fucking him hard into the mattress. The next weekend it was he who woke Merlin up with a mouth on his cock, his first attempt at such a thing. The experience encouraged him so much that a month afterwards he let Merlin be the one to fuck him in the shower, the now hot water still feeling frozen against his lust heated skin.

 

Vivian dragged him to fittings, made him add names to the invite list, stuffed his belly with a hundred cake samples. For the most part she was content to make decisions on her own, thought she made sure Arthur always knew his input was welcome. For the most part Arthur didn’t care to have an input.

 

For as intelligent as Arthur thought he was, it wasn’t until four months after he first met Merlin that the implications of it all started to finally catch up to him.

 

Merlin wanted to move in together.

 

Arthur stammered and swallowed and fidgeted until Merlin sighed and kissed his nose in comfort. “It was just a suggestion. We don’t have to if you’re not ready. Nothing serious, right?”

 

“Right,” Arthur choked out.

 

He had to tell him. He _needed_ to tell him. Funny how all this time Arthur had been battling with himself about coming clean to Vivian but not once had he even considered telling Merlin. When Merlin found out –and it was inevitable that he _would_ find out –he would be furious. He would never speak to Arthur again. And Arthur wasn’t sure he could handle that, not after how tightly Merlin had squeezed his way in his life.

 

“I have a drug problem,” was what he ended up going with instead.

 

Merlin blinked in surprise. “Like a dealer or a user kind of problem?”

 

“User. Former user. Meth, mostly, though I did cocaine a couple times. I’m clean now, I swear, going on four years. I still go to NA meetings though.” Or he had, up until NA nights became Merlin nights.

 

“Arthur…” Merlin looked at him with an unreadable expression. Then suddenly he careened forward, wrapping Arthur up in a hug. “Did you really think I would care about something like that, you clotpole?” he murmured into Arthur’s neck. “Former or current, it doesn’t matter. My da used to drink, so I know, this is a constant battle for you, but it’s one we can fight together.” He pulled back, though he kept his arms tight around him. “But if you want some more time to figure yourself out, that’s fine. I still love you. I can wait.”

 

Arthur didn’t realize tears were running unbidden down his cheeks until Merlin kissed them away, peppering his face with soft brushes of his lips. He was a terrible person. Out of everything he’d done, this was by far the most unforgivable. He’d made Merlin care for him, fall for him, and worse?

 

Arthur had fallen for Merlin, too.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Arthur, dear, Sophie got a deal for a free weekend up at that new spa resort. We thought we’d take the next weekend and have a ladies’ bonding session. Who knows, maybe it will be the kind of place we might have a pre-honeymoon, a little getaway before the big day?”

 

Arthur grunted noncommittally in reply. He’d been unable to focus on anything the past couple of weeks, either in regards to Merlin or Vivian. He’d even blown Merlin off the last two weekends, going dutifully to his NA meetings, brushing aside the concern of his own sponsor about the missed meetings. Arthur wasn’t in danger of going back on the drugs. He was in danger of throwing away every other good thing in his life, though. Although if he allowed himself to think about it –which he did his very best not to –he’d succeeded in doing that the moment he entered that gay bar with the intent to pick someone up.

 

“Arthur?” Vivian slid into his lap, lifting his face gently in her hands and forcing him to meet her eyes, bright with concern. “What’s wrong, pet?”

 

“Viv… are you happy?”

 

Vivian frowned in confusion. “Of course I am. I’ve got a wonderful home, a stable inheritance, a rich, handsome fiancé to come home to each night? What more could I need?”

 

“You’ve never considered that maybe there’s someone else out there for you? Someone as good as what you deserve?”

 

“Arthur, what’s this about?”

 

 _I’m cheating on you. I’m a big, fat, stupid cheater._ “Nothing. Just feeling a bit insecure, I guess.”

 

Vivian smiled and ruffled his hair. “Well, you should. Don’t know why I put up with you some days. Guess you’ve just been around so long I don’t know how to get rid of you. Now get dressed, we’re going to be late for supper at Uther’s.”

 

To: Merlin  
From: Arthur  
 _How about a change of pace? Come over to mine for the weekend?_

Arthur spent the two hours between the time Vivian left for the mountains and Merlin arrived scouring the flat of any sign a woman lived there. He shoved photos and candles and potpourri petals into the boot of his car and slammed it shut. The only thing he left was the clothes, but there was no reason for Merlin to look in his closet and Vivian had far too many dresses and shoes and handbags to even attempt moving. His fiancée was due back by six on Sunday night. That was plenty of time to send Merlin on his way and put everything back in place.

 

Merlin eyed his flat with a critical eye, as if he were about to give it a starred rating. “You’ve been holding out on me. Didn’t know meth addicts could be so posh.”

 

“How do you think I afforded the habit? Meth is expensive you know.” Despite his light tone, Arthur was quaking with nerves. He’d passed toeing the line a long time ago, but inviting Merlin into his and Vivian’s home was taking ammonia and bleach to said line and then lighting it on fire.

 

Merlin took his anxiety for another meaning and pulled him close. “Arthur, relax. I know I’m not that well off, but that doesn’t mean I harbour a hatred for anyone who is. I was just surprised, that’s all. You don’t act like a typical rich guy.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“You know, prattish, stuck-up, obsessed with themselves. Actually, you’re right. I don’t know how I didn’t see it before.”

 

“Shut it, you,” and proceeded to hold Merlin to the order by stopping up his lips with his own.

 

Arthur had shown off his culinary skills by cooking dinner, a chicken dish Vivian always raved about. His ego took a bit of a blow when Merlin grimaced at the taste, confirming his suspicions that Vivian had only said it was good to be nice. But to his credit Merlin finished his plate. He then saved the moment by teaching Arthur how to make the best chocolate chip cookies he’d ever had.

 

After that they abandoned the kitchen entirely in favour of spending the rest of the weekend in bed. Merlin taught Arthur the joys of rimming –now that was something Arthur could definitely get on board with-, and Arthur fulfilled all Merlin’s fantasies by fucking him while wearing the leather vest _and_ trousers.

 

The weekend was perfect, much more than Arthur deserved, and in the end he was glad that they’d been able to have this before it all fell apart.

 

Dimly Arthur heard the phone ringing early Sunday morning, but as he’d woken up around three to pound Merlin once more in the mattress, he wasn’t in any kind of mood to answer it. Instead Merlin groped across his back and hit the screen half-heartedly until the name of the caller popped up.

 

“Arthur? Arthur, love, wake up. It’s some guy named Olaf.”

 

Arthur was immediately wide awake, snatching the mobile from Merlin’s hand and holding it to his ear. “Yes, sir?”

 

“Arthur? You need to come to the hospital. Vivian’s been in an accident.”

 

Arthur threw off the blankets and shot out of bed, ignoring Merlin’s confused yelp. “Is she okay? What happened? Which hospital? What about Sophie?”

 

Olaf gave what details he had while Arthur threw on clothes, brushing off the dried come from his chest that he had no time to wash off with a shower. Finally he stabbed the “end” button and grabbed his keys from his dresser even as he hopped from foot to foot trying to put on socks.

 

“What’s wrong, Arthur? What was that all about?”

 

“I have to go, I’m sorry, Merlin.” He rushed into the living room for his coat and shoes. Merlin followed.

 

“You said something about a hospital. Is it your sister? Do you want me to come with you?”

 

Arthur didn’t even pause to look at him, trying fruitlessly to shove his feet into his trainers before realizing they were on the wrong feet. “No, it’s not, and you can’t. I want you to, so bad, but you can’t.”

 

Merlin caught up to him and grabbed his shoulders, forcing him to come to a standstill. “You haven’t come out to them, have you?”

 

“Come out about what?”

 

“About you, and me, and this. You haven’t told them you’re gay.”

 

“I’m not gay!” Arthur snapped, attempting to pull away but Merlin held him fast.

 

“Bi, then. Or pan, whatever floats your boat,” he corrected calmly, taking Arthur’s hands and rubbing his thumbs over the backs of them in an effort to sooth him. “But you’re right, I shouldn’t come with you, then. I can tell you’re in enough pain without dealing with their reactions to this, too. I’ll be here when you come back? Or I can come by in a bit, when it’s an acceptable time for a mate to happen to be awake and answering urgent summons for support.”

 

Arthur didn’t have time to deal with this right now, but he knew he had to, for Merlin. Merlin who loved him, who didn’t know what a colossal mess Arthur had made of things. “No, that’s fine, I’ll just… you can head home. I’ll call you if I need someone to talk to.”

 

“Okay.” Merlin gave his usual peck on the nose, the one he used whenever he knew Arthur was on edge. “Just remember I’m here, even if I’m not here, alright?”

 

Arthur didn’t say anything, just gave a weak smile and pulled free, rushing out the door, not sure if he was running to the hospital or running from Merlin.

 

Probably both.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Vivian had been hit by a pick-up truck in the car park. She and Sophia had been on their way to the car to go visit Sophia’s cousin before they headed home and the truck sped out of nowhere, according to a sobbing Sophia. The doctor informed them Vivian had gotten off lightly, with a fractured tibia and a moderate concussion.

 

Arthur took her home and tended to her slavishly. She’d been zonked out on pain meds when they got back, so she hadn’t noticed anything out of place. While she slept Arthur quietly put her things back in place, glad for once his exacting standards helped him to remember just where things had gone. When she woke, he served her breakfast in bed, then gave her a back massage while they watched an old sappy movie. He’d almost lost her, his best friend. It was all made worse by the fact that he’d been with Merlin at the time, not even sparing her a thought except to countdown the time until she returned and Merlin had to leave.

 

He didn’t call Merlin. He tried, several times, but he couldn’t even bring himself to send a text. Merlin contacted him, though, or tried to, asking over and over how he was and in he needed anything. When Friday rolled around Arthur finally broke down and sent a single message, telling him they couldn’t get together this weekend. He didn’t give an excuse, just assured him that everything was fine.

 

Monday Vivian insisted that he go in to the office. He’d been home nearly 24/7 with her, leaving only to get takeaway and milk. “I’ll be fine,” she promised. “I can hobble around on crutches like a champ. If I need anything I’ll call you. Or if it makes you feel better, I can call Soph if I get lonely and she can come mother me.”

 

“I’d feel better if you’d call her now.”

 

He refused to leave until Sophia had arrived, stack of DVDs, beauty supplies, and for some reason, a waxing kit (“She’s wearing a full cast.” “Only on _one_ leg.”). Then he extracted a promise from Vivian to text him every few hours. Arthur was still distracted at work, but it had nothing to do with his fiancée. Merlin was still texting him, begging for an answer. Arthur knew he couldn’t ignore him forever. It wasn’t fair to Merlin that he’d ignored him this long.

 

None of this was fair to Merlin.

 

To: Merlin  
From: Arthur  
 _ ~~I’m sorry. This isn’t going to work out.~~_

 

Arthur typed it, but he couldn’t actually bring himself to send it. He _needed_ Merlin. He’d never felt about anyone the way he did about that scrawny pale man. Merlin deserved better, he deserved everything, but Arthur was selfish, and while he hated himself for it, nothing could change his mind. He didn’t want to give this up.

 

He left work early. His distraction wasn’t helping anyone, and he’d promised to bring home the girls home pizza, Vivian claiming her pain pills were giving her cravings and so long as she was laid up she was going to spoil herself. He expected they would be stretched out in the living room, giggling over gossip mags or whatever it was women did. He did not expected to find Merlin sitting calmly on the recliner playing on his phone. Arthur froze in shock at the sight of him.

 

“Sophia let me in. Said I was just in time because she got called away for something. Viv told me I could just hang out here until you got home. She’s taking a nap by the way.” He said it all in an off-hand way, like everything was perfectly normal. But he didn’t take his eyes off his game, fingers continuing to flick this way and that.

 

It was probably Tetris. Merlin loved Tetris.

 

“Merlin-”

 

“I didn’t ask her who she was. She didn’t say and I didn’t ask because I wanted to ask you. I want to ask you and I want you to answer and I swear to God if you lie to me I will walk out that door and never speak to you again. If you tell the truth, I will give you five minutes to explain yourself, and then I will walk out that door and never speak to you again. Your choice.”

 

Now he looked up, but the pain in his eyes was so sharp Arthur had to look away or risk breaking down before he even got a word out. This wasn’t meant to hurt so much. It had been a thing. Just a minor thing Arthur needed to just _do_ so he could stop thinking about it. There wasn’t supposed to be a Merlin. There wasn’t supposed to be all these feelings, strange and wild and _right_.

 

Merlin didn’t need him to say it, not really. If he’d seen Vivian he’d seen the ring on her finger. He could see the dozen photos of the two of them, several with their lips locked. It was obvious what the answer was. Just like it was obvious that it shouldn’t have been.

 

“Vivian is my fiancée.” How he confessed it as calmly as Merlin was right now he didn’t know. Especially as he watched the confirmation literally crush Merlin like it was a bag of bricks dropped on his head.

 

Merlin waved a hand to signal he should start his five minutes. It shook visibly in the air before he tucked it back into himself, clenched tight.

 

“She’s my fiancée, and I swear, I never meant to hurt either of you. I love Viv, I really do, but I love you, too, and maybe I shouldn’t have gone about things like I did, but it’s done and I can’t change it, and I’m sorry.”

 

Merlin stared at him incredulously, rising from the recliner and picking up his coat from the armrest. “That was the worst explanation slash apology ever. I hope you do better with Vivian. It will probably help if you wait until the mistress is out of the house. Oh, God, I’m a mistress! My mother would be so proud.”

 

“Merlin, please, it’s not like that-”

 

He gave a strangled laugh. “Arthur, you cancelled _our date_ so that you could stay home and take care of your _fiancée._ It’s _exactly_ like that.”

 

“You were never less to me than she was. Is. You aren’t less to me than she is.” He can save this, he has to save this. “You have to believe me, Merlin-”

 

“ _Believe you?_ ” Merlin’s voice finally cracks and Arthur can actually see his heart breaking or it’s possible he’s just projecting. “Your fiancée thinks you’re my sponsor from NA. Which is ironic because the whole reason I came over here in the first place was because you weren’t answering me and I was fucking _terrified_ that something had happened and you had slid back into using again and I thought-” He’s started yelling and he has to pause and take a deep breath to collect himself. “How could you do this, Arthur? You made me a cuckolder, without ever even asking me if I was okay with that. And what about her? That poor girl in there probably thinks you’re the best thing since sliced bread. Do you even care how she’s going to feel about this? Because let me tell you it fucking sucks.”

 

“I’m so sorry…”

 

“I wish I _could_ believe that.” He made his way to the door. Arthur didn’t try to stop him. He’d lost that right. Merlin turned back a bit in the doorway. “Tell Vivian, for what it’s worth? I’m sorry too. I never would have done it if I’d known.”

 

Then he was gone, and Arthur was alone.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He still didn’t tell Vivian. It’s over. She need never find out. She was still injured. He should give her some more time. They’re excuses, pathetic excuses that fit with the pathetic excuse for a human being that he is.

 

He threw out the leather clothes. Tossed them straight into the dumpster along with the ad for the club that he had kept all this time because that was where he’d met Merlin and it seemed like the thing to do. When he went to delete Merlin’s number, though, he just couldn’t do it. Merlin had probably deleted his by now, blocked his number so that Arthur couldn’t get hold of him if he wanted to. Which he did. He wanted so badly that every time he stepped into the shower and turned the water on he let himself sob with it.

 

Vivian was oddly quiet about his new mood. She’d started venturing from the bed more and more, even attempting to cook them supper before she dropped a spatula and Arthur ordered her out of the kitchen, yelling that it could have been a knife. He wasn’t sure if she was trying to show she could be more independent and he should stop worrying or if she was trying to be around him even when he wasn’t in the bedroom or maybe she was just bored.

 

“Merlin seemed nice.”

 

They were sitting on the couch watching Titanic, Vivian nestled with her head on his lap so she could stretch out with her cast. So far they’d watched in silence, neither being the type to chatter during a film. The sudden statement startled Arthur. He was surprised she even remembered. Finally he just answered, “He is.”

 

“We talked for a while. He was very sympathetic about my accident. And I found it very sweet that he worried about what the stress of it might be doing to you.”

 

Arthur didn’t answer to that, didn’t know how, just grunted in agreement.

 

“If it had to be anyone, I suppose I’m glad it was him.”

 

His heart sank. How could she know? She was asleep when he and Merlin had their showdown, wasn’t she? “Viv-”

 

“Don’t get me wrong, you screwed up. That’s an understatement, but I don’t even have the words for how angry I am at you, so you can’t expect me to find the right word for just how horrible a mistake you made.”

 

She was just as calm as Merlin had been at first, and it disturbed him, that these two people he had wronged so badly could look almost peaceful as they told him he was a sack of shit.

 

“Tomorrow my father’s picking me up so I can stay with him for a while. Don’t look so panicked. I’m just going to tell him the truth.” But that _was_ a reason to panic. Olaf would tell Uther and even just one of them was enough to send him to the hills. He would be ruined. That was, if Olaf left him alive long enough to suffer. “We don’t love each other. We never have.”

 

Arthur gaped. He grabbed Vivian’s hand and squeezed it tight in reassurance. “Of course I love you. I do, I swear I do.”

 

Vivian smiled at him pityingly. “No you don’t. This isn’t love, Arthur. This is… obligation. Obligation or guilt or gratitude. We were just friends. Then I helped you when you were in trouble and you had to love me for helping you and I had to love you so you would stay clean. And then I thought I was pregnant so you proposed and I accepted and then neither of us could just back out of it when it turned out I wasn’t. But obligation isn’t enough, is it? You can’t tell me it is. Otherwise you wouldn’t have gone out and found him, would you? What you had with him, _that_ was love.”

 

“How do you know?” he whispered. He couldn’t deny it, no matter how hard he tried.

 

“Because you went back. All those months you kept going back. You lied to me about what you were doing, and more than that you lied to _him_. You would have told him about me from the beginning if you didn’t care about it continuing. If it helps, I think he loves you back.”

 

Merlin had loved him, Arthur knew. Not anymore, of course, but before, Merlin _had_ loved him. It just didn’t matter anymore. He told Vivian as much.

 

“Well, that’s your fault, isn’t it? I said I was going to let you go, Arthur, I didn’t say I was going to magically fix things for you. You were right, I do deserve better. My true love’s kiss is out there somewhere, and it’s time I go to find it. I’m not sure what you deserve yet, but it’s time you have a chance, a real chance, to find it, too. Your obligations have been fulfilled, Arthur. You’re free to do want you want.”

 

Vivian struggled to her feet, propping herself up on her crutches. “I hope we can still be friends. Just don’t expect me to be happy for you when you start dating again. As for me, there’s a young man down at the pub whom I will be accepting an invitation to dinner with on Friday. Don’t be there. Don’t call me. I will contact you with a date and time when I’m coming to get my things. You won’t be here.”

 

She hobbled to the bedroom and once again Arthur had a door slammed in his face.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It was amazing the speed with which Arthur’s life took on some semblance of normalcy again. He went to work. He came home. He dealt with his disapproving father. When Vivian got her cast off she texted him to say she was coming by and he dutifully went to the park while she was there, running around the perimeter and pretending it was just a desire for exercise.

 

It was surprising because he didn’t deserve to have everything go back to normal. He felt like there should be some drastic change in his life, he should have been left homeless, or jobless, or on his deathbed. But no, he still had his flat, and his place at the company, and he was still in perfect health.

 

And yet for all that he had nothing. Vivian was gone, though she’d left a note when she picked up her stuff indicating she wasn’t going to freeze him out forever. Sophia was unsurprisingly refusing to talk to him as well, though it was hardly a loss in Arthur’s mind. His friends –okay, friend, Leon –gave him a pat on the back and took him out to get blindingly drunk then left him alone to deal with his sorrow on his own, in true manly fashion.

 

Merlin had still made no effort to contact him.

 

That hurt the most. Arthur hadn’t been expecting it, he’d thought it would be betraying Vivian that he would feel the worst about, but knowing what he’d done to Merlin was even worse. Merlin hadn’t asked to be the other half of his affair. Merlin hadn’t given his consent to falling in love with an attached man. And it didn’t even matter that Arthur was a free agent now, because there was no way he would ever be able to convince Merlin that he could trust him. After all, _“If they’ll do it with you, they’ll do it to you.”_

 

Once or twice Arthur had thought about the drugs and how easy it would be to find a few opiates and float away from it all. Vivian had locked up her pills for her leg so he wouldn’t be tempted, but until now he’d never even considered stealing one. He could go to a pain clinic, complain of a bad back. A few days of bliss, just a bit of a time out. No one would ever have to know.

  
But that was the logic he’d used with Merlin, and he’d seen how that turned out.

 

When Vivian finally decided she was going to speak to him again, four long months later, she invited him to a pub on the edge of town Arthur had never been to before. He supposed that was the point. Somewhere they had no memories of together was probably the best place for starting over. Arthur didn’t spot her when he entered, and knowing that she would be wearing something show-stopping –Vivian always dressed to stand out –he found a place at a back corner table and settled down to wait.

 

“Hello.”

 

Arthur’s head shot up to meet Merlin’s eyes. The other man shifted uncomfortably, two pints of beer in hand. He slid one across the table to Arthur. “Can I sit?”

 

 _Yes!_ his heart screamed. “I- I mean- I’m sorry. I’m meeting my ex.” From now on he wasn’t going to lie, even if Arthur wanted more than anything for Merlin to be the one sat across from him instead of Vivian.

 

He hoped Merlin had caught the bit about the ex, though.

 

“I know. Vivian called me. We… we talked. About you. You and her. Mostly you.  Turns out we have a lot in common, like wanting you to die in a well of fire.  Repeatedly.”

 

Arthur winced. He didn’t want to know what Vivian had had to say about him to Merlin. Well, he did, but more than that he wanted to know what Merlin had to say. “Merlin, I promise, I never wanted to hurt you, either of you. I _love_ you. I didn’t mean to, didn’t even want to, but it happened, I fell in love with you, and I can’t regret that, not even for a second. But I do regret not telling you everything from the beginning.”

 

“You lied to me,” Merlin said softly, eyes still holding a shadow of the pain he’d shown before.

 

“And I will apologize for that every day for the rest of my life if you’re willing to stick around and listen to it. I want to make this work, Merlin. You and me, _only_ you and me. I can’t promise I won’t ever hurt you again, because I’m an idiot and I will, but this time you’re going to know about every mistake I make. Just as long as you know that _you_ weren’t a mistake. What I did was wrong, but I’d pick you every time.”

 

Merlin sighed, and Arthur was sure he had failed, he had lost Merlin forever. But then Merlin gave a small smile revealing a hint of the confident young man he’d been before. “One day I hope I can believe that.”

 

Merlin slid into the seat across from him and stretched out his hand. “Hi. I’m Merlin. Nice to meet you.”

 

Arthur grinned like a loon, and Merlin grinned back a bit fainter and Arthur took his hand, not shaking it, just holding it, revealing in the touch of Merlin’s skin once more. “Arthur. Single, just out of a rough engagement. I’m a former drug addict and I have terrible road rage, even when I’m sober. I can also be a bit of a berk.”

 

Merlin didn’t let go. “Hello, Arthur. Would you like to get lunch?”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Broken Trust](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3750790) by [h_d](https://archiveofourown.org/users/h_d/pseuds/h_d)




End file.
